Dating Too Long With No Success? Stop Dating and Take the Time to Understand What Makes You Fail

3eIf you date too long and see no success, what does it mean? Well, there could be many possibilities: that you haven’t yet found your “soul-mate”; that you haven’t yet recovered from past-relationship; that you are afraid to start again, and so on and so forth.

But if might also be that you have dated too much and feel exhausted from endless trials, disappointments. That you are disillusioned; that you are unsure whether to keep on dating or not.

When this is what you feel, keeping dating might be counterproductive; it might take you no where. The reason being, that you don’t project happiness to your date, but fatigue; not empowerment, but desperation; not patience, but impatience; not self-respect, but neediness.

The problem is, that at your age you might feel that “time is short”. That if you won’t go on yet another date you might miss someone special. That reading a book or go to a movie while still not having a partner is a waste of time.

But then, if you haven’t succeeded until now, do you have any guarantees – except hope – that “next time it will happen”?

When you find yourself in such a situation, having these kinds of fears, thoughts, hesitations and disappointments, what might you do? You may want to take time off from dating and find a way to understand what made you fail until now.

When you take some time off from dating you need to do so with a strong belief that this is for the better; that this will eventually lead you to finding a partner; that this is only a pause you are taking to re-charge, re-vitalize in order to start again, more empowered and more confident in who you are.

So while you take the time off you can engage with other activities; meet other friends; stay home by yourself and enjoy your own company.

But not only enjoy your own company: devote the time to develop to understand what made you fail in your dating attempts. This you can do by developing your Self-Awareness: Looking inwards and see what makes you desperate and needy to have a relationship; realize the fears and needs that control you, such as: the fear of loneliness; the fear of being alone; the incessant need to be loved and have a partner.

Take the time to observe – in retrospect – your attempts at dating and relationships. Notice whether there are any patterns which repeat themselves: do you immediately become dependent on your date? Do you begin to suffocate your partner? Are you driven by the fear of being alone therefore trying to please your partner as much as possible, thus allowing yourself to become a victim within the relationship? and so on and so forth.

Looking inside and observing your patterns is not easy: you confront your own issues, attitudes, self-regard (or lack of); patterns of behavior; the ways in which you sabotage yourself (some of which you haven’t been aware of until now).

But looking inside is crucial for becoming empowered to find a partner with whom to develop a successful intimacy. Observing your past experiences and learning what and how to change is crucial for making the changes you need to make. Gaining insight about yourself is of uttermost importance to realizing what you have done wrong and how you can embark on the road to success.